In my high school seminary class we were asked to write a Psalm, or a song of praise unto the Lord. This is in likeness of the ones David wrote in the Old Testament. In my psalm I told about my true testimony, complete with an experience I will never forget. (It does not rhyme nor go to a tune, but it is a testimony and praise.)
I’d like to share my psalm with you:
“As I was going through a dark and dreary time, I laid in bed wondering late at night, “What if I was to leave this earth, leave behind everything and everybody I knew right now. Would I even be missed? Would I be noticed if I was gone?”
As these thoughts of taking away my life entered my mind, a rush of emotions, feelings, memories and thoughts flooded my thoughts instantly. Within these moments I saw my family, weeping over a casket I knew was my own, a selective group of friends just behind them doing the same. I saw a depressing time in my family’s life soon after, I beheld my seminary class in 9th grade, and I relived the lesson we learned about ”Enduring to the End” and how it was just as important as being baptized, and getting sealed in the temple.
I witnessed all of the suicide prevention lessons and presentations I had seen over the past few years. All of these memories, all of these thoughts, all of these experiences, were dumped into my head and I saw them through my open eyes like a slide show. Within just a few minutes they went away. And I heard a voice in my mind saying, “Don’t give up, you still have much to do.”
My chest heavy and pillow soaked with tears, I pondered what had just transpired, then knowing what it must have been I closed my eyes and made a promise to the Lord, “I promise I will endure until the very end, no matter how hard life will get, I will leave this world when you feel it’s the time for me to return home unto thee.”
If there is one thing I can testify of with all of my heart, mind, and soul it is that enduring to the end is essential for us to return to our Father in Heaven. We mustn’t give up on our own accord; we can’t return back to our heavenly home on our own schedule. The Lord will bring us back to His loving arms when we are no longer needed here on this earth.
I find small examples of this testimony in my everyday life. If a friend needs someone to talk to, I’m there, If they need advice or comfort I will always be there. If someone is in need of answers to questions, I will be there. I am not without flaws, I have more than I can count, but I don’t let those drive me towards suicide and the thoughts of taking my own life. Whenever those thoughts do come, and they come quite regularly, this experience comes in instantly to remind my spirit and knock out destructive thoughts.
I may not live a happy life. I may be the most depressed human being you will ever see, with more problems going on in my head than anyone else you’ve seen before, but I can proudly tell others who are scared, if I’m suicidal, I know I will never take my own life. My days may get darker and darker, but I know as long as I can keep hold of a foundation in Christ, a testimony of truth, I will not fall.
Please, I pray that anyone out there who may be struggling, brighter days are ahead, The Lord gives us trials to help strengthen us, and He keeps us here on the Earth because there is something we must do still. We all play an important role, doesn’t have to be big and fancy but a role nevertheless. Endure to the end in faith and grace towards the Lord, and your days shall become full of light and love from our loving Heavenly Father above.
In the name of our most gracious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
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